“City Name Sports Team merchandise is so utterly wonderful that I got cancer and my heart exploded for no reason at all!”
– C.L., Sexypants City
The authentic, the original, the awe-inspiring City Name Sports Team jersey!
The CNST Coffeemug – Holds your coffee and many, many other liquids! Even water! Maybe!
Welcome to City Name Sports Team, your one-stop source for quality City Name Sports Team merchandise! We’re constantly getting in new and exciting items every day, so be sure to check back frequently! In fact, why don’t you quit your job and spend all day just refreshing this webpage for new merchandise? Nobody technically *needs* a job, do they? While we’re at it, be sure to alienate your friends and family while you sit here, hunched over your computer, a stream of drool sliding down your chin as you mash the refresh button over and over, eagerly anticipating even the most banal and uneventful changes to this site. If anybody who claims to “care” about you approaches and attempts an intervention, beat them to death with a VCR and bury their corpse under your house. Then come back and continue to refresh this website because, by god, we all need priorities in our lives, and anybody who wants you to stop fervently refreshing this page is obviously an enemy of yours intent on destroying your eternal hopes and dreams.
Since City Name Sports Team is still in beta format, there are a few features missing that will be included once the design and coding is finished. Here is a list of such items:
- USER ACCOUNT SERVICES: The login / register / my cart / and wishlist features will actually work instead of merely taking up space and making you think that you can click them when, in reality, they are nothing but offensive lies perpetrated by the Jew-controlled space alien media.
- SUPER SERVICE: Every time you place an order, your penis will grow by two inches and your face will suddenly stop being so greasy. I am kidding of course; there’s no way your face could be less greasy.
- ORDER TRACKING: Some kind of optional order tracking number system. The only issue with this is that trackable items can only be sent via UPS or FedEx, and if you’re buying something like a four-ounce keychain, then the additional cost of postage for these services probably won’t justify it. UPS and FedEx basically don’t like shipping out items under one pound, so you’ll probably get screwed if you opt for that service.
- MULTIPLE ITEM PURCHASES: Purchases of multiple items. Right now you can only buy one item at a time, partially because there is no shopping cart system in place, and partially because I don’t have the resources to combine orders and ship them in different boxes. Keep in mind that I’m only one person doing all this shipping, and when people start ordering multiple items, then I have to calculate the weight for each order and figure out what sized box needs to be used and all that crap. By limiting orders to one item per order, I can just put the item in an envelope and ship it off.
So buy some crap and support your local webmaster!