“City Name Sports Team merchandise is so utterly wonderful that I got cancer and my heart exploded for no reason at all!”
– C.L., Sexypants City
JERSEYS
Home team pride infests itself in each and every city across the world, as fans simply adore backing their city’s sports team of choice. Unfortunately, there are so many different sports, cities, and leagues that it’s nearly impossible to keep up with all the names and allegiances. What if you’re a Kansas City Chief fan and then you move to Oakland? The Raiders fans would string you up by your neck and replace your vital internal organs with bullets and various other items which probably won’t be particularly successful in aiding your body’s longevity.
So what’s the solution to this seemingly impossible problem? Well taking your own life would definitely work, but some people demand a long-term answer. That’s where City Name Sports Team jerseys come in; no matter where you go and no matter what sport is popular, you will always be in fashion and style, rooting for the popular team of choice! Get ready to be universally accepted around the globe with such a fetching outfit that will raise eyebrows and garner a new sense of respect and adoration which you could not previously obtain without handing out large bags of cocaine to advertising executives.
Front
Back
The jersey, a stunning hybrid of a baseball, football, and hockey jersey, features the stunning “CITY NAME SPORTS TEAM” title across the front, surrounding an image of the City Name Sports Team patented “Flaming Ball Thingy.” The back is adorned with the phrase “POPULAR PLAYER,” which allows ignorant passerbys to understand that you are a big fan of the popular player whom they adore so much.
All printing is dyed directly into the fabric and is guaranteed to never crack, fade, or suddenly turn into a series of comical racial slurs when you’re attending an important business event or a party thrown by the Pope. A high quality 100% microweave Dyna-Dry fabric ensures you’ll have a garment which not only stays comfortable, but resists shrinking, tearing, or falling apart because you sweat like a filthy hog and wear the shirt to dangerous acid-tossing competitions. These are authentic, real jerseys that are manufactured for professional sporting teams all over the world, so the quality is top notch.
You’ll be a hit at any party with this eye-catching design and generic message of popular approval. You’ll typically want to purchase a jersey one size larger than the normal-sized t-shirt you would wear, so if you fit in a small t-shirt then you’ll fit into a medium jersey. If you buy large t-shirts, then you should purchase an extra-large jersey. If you fit into a XXX-large t-shirt, then you should buy a new body because, dear Christ, you’re fucking fat and disgusting as hell.
ITEM NAME: | ITEM PRICE: | SHIPPING: | TOTAL: | PURCHASE: |
CNST Sports Jersey (Medium) | $56.95 | $3.00 | $59.95 | |
CNST Sports Jersey (Large) | $57.45 | $3.00 | $60.45 | |
CNST Sports Jersey (X-Large) | $57.95 | $3.50 | $61.45 | |
CNST Sports Jersey (XX-Large) | $58.45 | $3.50 | $61.95 | |
CNST Sports Jersey (XXX-Large) | $58.95 | $3.50 | $62.45 |
We accept all major credit cards. US orders will usually ship the same week the payment is cleared, and can take 1 – 4 weeks for delivery depending on how incompetent either we or the US Postal System are. International orders can take anywhere from 4 – 8 weeks for delivery. All orders are packaged and shipped by myself, manually, so please don’t mistake this operation for some complex and complicated service like the one Amazon has; it’s just one guy selling clothing.
We accept all major credit cards. US orders will usually ship the same week the payment is cleared, and can take 1 – 4 weeks for delivery depending on how incompetent either we or the US Postal System are. International orders can take anywhere from 4 – 8 weeks for delivery. All orders are packaged and shipped by myself, manually, so please don’t mistake this operation for some complex and complicated service like the one Amazon has; it’s just one guy selling clothing.